I have a friend in New York...

Of all the things I hear when I tell someone where I am going, this is by far the most frequent. There are variations, of course. A sibling or other relative knows someone who lives somewhere in or around the city and does something cool (or something like that). Don't mistake this for complaining, for two reasons. First, I want to become one of those people. Second, I want to meet as many as I can. I have to say, though, that it is overwhelming. Maybe I should start carrying around a notebook to fill with the names of acquaintances of friends and acquaintances. Unfortunately, I don't know what I would do with it once I got there.

Instead of trying to keep track of who knows who and where to find them, I am going to hit the ground running when I get to Brooklyn on Friday. If there is someone you think I should meet, I am flattered! Please let me know, and I will do my best to come across them in the near future.

For now, I will just finish cleaning out my office. Look for a list of interesting things I find along the way next (assuming there are any).

packing list

The new year rapidly approaches, as does the unfortunate reality that I have to appropriate all of my possessions based on when I think I will need them. Would you mind helping me out? Take a look at my packing list for NYC and let me know if you think I forgot anything. I am flying up there, so I can only take what will fit in a carry-on bag and a large suitcase (that is, if Amber will let me borrow her big one.) This list should only include what I will need to get by, especially since Amber is coming up in late January and can bring me things. Everything else comes up with both of us in the back of a truck in April.

NYC Packing List (the Bachelor version):
1 wok (I plan to eat fried rice almost exclusively for 3 months)
1 Cup, 1 bowl, 1 plate, 1 mug (it's Debbie's "precious moments" one if you must know. Thanks trip-c!)
1 set of flatware and 1 serrated knife
1 blanket, 1 set of twin sheets, 1 pillow
Winter clothes
Sundry toiletries (including, but not limited to, a tooth brush)
Laptop and external hard drive
1 French Press (thanks, Tamara!)
1 piece of tupperware for the leftover fried rice. (thanks, Sarah.)
Bible (I'd like to say it goes without saying, but I would probably forget it. Thanks, Donna.)
Camera - probably the D40, even though it's big. (Thank you, Ruffie!)

What else am I forgetting?

why read the paper?

Today as I sat down to a cup of coffee, eager to begin my day but unable to get in to the office without my keys, I scanned the half sheet of paper in my pocket outlining our Christmas Eve service. Instantly bored, the only choice I had was to pick up the half-read (and most likely discarded) USA Today to my left. Overall, nothing of note lay within, save in one subtle statistic.

Poll:
March 2009 - Is now a good time to find a satisfying job? Nearly 65% said yes.
December 2009 - Same question. Nearly 90% said no.

At first, this was a little discouraging. Clearly I'm a minority in my thought process here. After a moment, though, I realized that the people the USA Today polled are my competition (we should hope this was a representative sample, but we can almost certainly presume it to be a biased pool of timid, middle-class Americans). No matter what the demographic represented, I take courage in it. If most people are afraid to do what I am doing now, I am guaranteed that at least those people are probably waiting "it" out. Times of great uncertainty yield great opportunity - this time in our history has fantastic potential for growth.

Another encouraging thought. The second year of a bear market sees a gain of more than 10% in the stock market, on average. That's not a bad deal, either. Hope!

Looking forward to seeing the promises of God kept throughout another year in 2010.

a very warm farewell

We arrived in Gainesville at around 4PM with a sleeping baby in the car. When I say the baby was Dinah, my future-niece, those who know her understand that this is not a trivial detail. Most car rides shared with Dinah end in terror, so I was feeling particularly fortunate. I was driving, so I took myself home and Amber and Harmony continued on to their house. On my mind - getting ready for our Lessons & Carols service the next morning.

Making the mental transition from a Disney birthday and time with Amber's parents took most of the car ride, but by the time we got back I felt ready to go. So, Rob Hamersma and I rode out to Oak Hall School, where my church meets, to set up the theater where we would have our service. We met Carter Davis and spent a little more than an hour setting up, after solving one of the problems cause by my keys' absence (they are resting on a counter top in Orlando.) As we headed home, I tried calling Amber to see what she was doing for dinner. She had told me that she needed to do something in my room for my Christmas present, so I knew she might be at the Hamersma's. I had no idea who else I would find when we got home!

As we rounded the corner in our neighborhood, there were plenty of cars parked on the street. Normally, I would be suspicious, but the neighbors have big parties sometimes, and I even thought I recognized some of the cars from previous events. So, by the time we walked to the door, I still hadn't figured out what was going on. When Rob opened the door, the first face I saw was my brother Matt's through a doorway to the kitchen. As I scanned the room, I saw one beloved friend after another. I have never been this surprised at a party thrown for me! It was a wonderful time to spend with so many people who I will miss dearly.

Thank you to Amber, Sarah, and to my brother and parents for coming from so far away to surprise me. I love you!

no more Sundays

The title of this post is to be sung to the tune "No More I Love Yous" by Annie Lennox. I'll give you some time to do that.

Begin blog post:

As of around noon today, I am no longer a worship leader by vocation. In fact, I am no longer a worship leader in any capacity at this point. What an interesting feeling! I barely know what to do with myself already. Just wait until I am expected to "attend" church a week from now. I don't know if I am capable of that anymore.

To all those involved this morning who might read this, please accept a very sincere and heart-felt "thank you." It has been a wonderful three years.

Merry Christmas!
Chris

2 Weeks, Tomorrow

Over the past couple of weeks, I have been weighing very heavily the effect this move is having on my relationships. At first thought (I may have posted something on this before), I imagined my friendships here as being tied up in this process's aftermath - riding on the wake of my move and hoping to survive it. It is now becoming clear that the real risk lies in its dawn.

This is part of what has been on my mind:

If anyone very honestly (and very passionately) disagrees with what we are doing (that is, moving to NYC in 2010), then I am in uncharted territory. Of course there have been disagreements with plenty of close friends over the years, often on subjects of great importance. Those normally end in some kind of a draw where neither one concedes (nor feels devalued.) Or, the conflicts end with someone changing his mind and maybe even admitting to being wrong. Now, Amber and I embark on something that can not be considered morally right or wrong. Even logic, often a comforting fail safe for me, bends at the idea of doing something that we believe is God's will, whether it makes sense or not. So this new type of conflict can't be resolved the way I normally would. And this illustrates for me exactly what makes it such a big deal. I know that through all of the conversations I have with people regarding our move, the people who love us are only looking out for us.

So, I end up here:
Thank you to each cherished friend and family member who is supporting Amber and me in this process, even if by disagreeing with our decisions. We need you.

Thanks for checking in.
CBH

I'm still here

Hello everyone, and thank you for reading. Lots going on these days, and I have plenty to write about (just no time to write it). I'll have a new post up soon.

Tomorrow, we are headed to Disney world for Amber's birthday.

the Grand Transition

This is new territory for me. Gradually letting go of something is much harder than jumping ship. I'm beginning to understand how people with good intentions can end up burning bridges when they leave. Beyond the difficulty of keeping track of all those bridges (which by default seem to implode if you don't keep an eye on them), it is hard to be yourself when you feel like someone else. And that's what you become when you break away from people who love you.

This story is ours, but as I write it I feel like I am looking in with the rest of you, quietly waiting for things to become more concrete. I'm sure that I will figure that one out. For now, I'm off to help the new worship leader take over my position at CCC Gainesville. I'll try my best to feel like it's me doing it.

Oh, and here's some attribution:
title: "Grand Transition"
All rights reserved, Carter Davis

hip hop, you saved my life

Something terrible has happened. Some combination of circumstances has pulled me so far out of my element that I have started listening to hip hop. And make no mistake, I am not talking "curled up in the corner crying to Lupe Fiasco." I mean I am listening to hurricane game and enjoying myself.

Figure that one out. It all started when Amber showed me Empire State of Mind (which will be our victory march). Now, I am ears deep in music I have only rolled my eyes at before. So for those of you who wondered where my 2-week pop phase would end up, here you go.

I can only hope it wears off before I move, because I don't think I can handle this stuff at high altitudes.

Cheers!

Wedding Planning

You have all heard at least once that engagement is difficult. Some of you know from experience that it is. Starting with the obvious: planning a wedding is hard. No matter how many times someone tells you that, I don't think it can sink in until you are in the middle of it. Sometimes I wonder how it became so complicated, or if it always has been historically. Of course there are expectations and desires, dreams of the perfect wedding. And in just as many cases, neither person really has an opinion. Either way, when it comes to putting together a wedding that will involve two families and lots of friends, there is something more benign than ordinary conflict that is much more difficult to understand, much less address. When you really think about it, it has to be more than the stress of planning a huge party that causes pressure. It is the forging together of two very different people that makes marriage one of the most difficult tasks. Like fusing two pieces of hard metal - that explosive reaction that creates light, sound and heat effects something nearly unbreakable. As hard as it can be, the process of weaving two lives together is wonderful, and I am often surprised by how satisfying these times can be.

One day, we will both be able to say, "After all, it was worth it." Today, I can say, "In the very beginning, it's worth it." After the energy is spent and the most charged moments have been endured, something stronger emerges, and that is worth any amount of work. So, the next time someone complains about engagement, ask them if it's worth it. I hope they say yes.

Look at me go - I'm turning in to one of those introspective bloggers. Oh well. Now, to watch Dan in Real Life with Rob and Sarah.

P.S. - When I opened my iBook tonight to work on my resume, I was reminded of why I love these things so much. Like a breathe of fresh air.

just the two of us (eventually)

My grandpa sent me a nice email the other day, and at the end he asked a good question. "Will Amber be accompanying you to New York?" I realized after replying to his email that I probably haven't made the answer clear to everyone, at least not on this blog, so I would like to clarify that aspect of our plan before I move forward.

On January 1, I will move to New York and live with Alan (and possibly Dan). These guys are close friends and collaborators on various music projects. I think we will have a lot of fun, and there will probably be at least one EP or album that results from our time in close quarters. Fast forward to April 6. This is the day I fly back to Gainesville to prepare for our wedding on April 10. After the wedding and the honeymoon, Amber and I will load up a truck and drive it to New York, where we will live for the foreseeable future. In the period of time before the wedding, my goal is to find employment that suits me and provides adequate income for the two of us. I will also research neighborhoods and look for a good deal on an apartment for us.

Thank you for reading my blog. It has been fun writing it already, and I look forward to sharing our journey with you as it unfolds. 

Your purchase is complete. Thank you for choosing Delta.

In case you never knew this, you can book a round-trip flight with several months in between and it is no more expensive than a regular itinerary. I am flying in to La Guardia on January 1 (yes, I expect it to be a nightmare), and I return to Jacksonville on April 6. Awesome.

I need a job

Beginning January 1, I will be unemployed and living in Brooklyn. Any suggestions for potential employment are appreciated. For those of you who don't know, I am most interested in artist management.

Also, read this: galanbusch.blogspot.com.

emotion

The time has finally come for a wave of emotions to envelope me, rendering me useless in public at its onset but more satisfied in its wake.

Reality: I am moving to New York City. After so much talking, I am finally taking the final step. But the last one is the biggest, and it honestly feels like dropping off of the edge of one world in to another. If only I can find a way to hold on to the things I can't bear the thought of losing - the friendships and memories. I'm a pretty crummy friend. In previous experience, I have let distance dictate the success of relationships - whether it is with family across the country or with friends who have dispersed as life calls them elsewhere. With every moment that I make a decision in hope based on our plans for the future, a strange feeling of loss comes over me - like a ghost of a regret not yet felt (and hopefully never known.) This continuum, where the health of relationships is related inversely to the distance between myself and those I care about, is really nothing new. It is supposed to be easier to keep in touch with people these days, but I have seen little evidence of it actually working. Failbook isn't capable anymore, but Twitter shows promise. Maybe in 2010...

This is an emotional process, and as good as I think I am at hiding it, my composure recoils pretty quickly these days. I suppose the best thing to do from now on is to live in each moment to the best of my ability. Absurdly enough, I think it has taken me this long to realize what I should have been doing all along.

thanksgiving

Short and sweet. Short, because I'm already almost done writing. Sweet because Amber and I baked three pies today. Today is the first time that I have been away from home for Thanksgiving. The Priests invited me to come to Orlando and spend it with them, and it was wonderful. So, while I would have loved to have been with my family in South Carolina (and I was jealous about the menu there), it was wonderful to spend time with these new additions to my family, and we had surf and turf. I am so blessed to be torn between two loving families.

The pies were apple (a big hit), chocolate chip (almost too rich to eat), and a chocolate bourbon pecan (good, not great.)

Looking forward to posting more soon about the job search process - or, what I am beginning to think of as self marketing.

Amber

Does anyone remember the 311 song called Amber? It was one of my favorites for a really long time. And that has nothing to do with what I'm going to write about, but her name is Amber, so I guess that's something.

After proofing my last post (which was way too long), I realized that any discussion about what's going on in my life doesn't make much sense without my fiancee, Amber. And for more than obvious reasons, she has changed everything. When I started dating her the summer before last, I had an inclination to change my plans pretty early on. Alan, Dan and I were getting ready to move up to New York together last summer, and I would say we were pretty much set to do that when I first took Amber out. Almost immediately, I knew that being with her was very important to me. Now, it took me a while to admit that to myself, and I spent a while going ahead with the plans I had made before she became a part of my life. Soon thereafter, it became clear that she was the most important thing to me.

I found myself in this awkward place where there were three big areas of my life that I could not reconcile. The first was my place at Christ Community Church. The second was my desire to move to New York and pursue a career in the music industry. The third was Amber. Once I realized that I couldn't have them all (at least not at the same time), I began to understand what it means to wait on God. It's easy for us to get used to having what we want when we want it, and I am really good at getting what I want. But this time, my desires were incompatible with each other. Charlie Staples, one of the elders at my church, asked me once in a meeting to think about what was important to me. That was really hard to do. It is times like those when keeping a journal really comes in handy. I went back to an entry I had made on a plane to NYC (I think Alan and I were going there for vacation). I wrote a lot during that flight, but after going back and looking I noticed a theme: "I don't want to do this alone." I read back a little further to one of the early weekends in our relationship when Amber came to see me in Gainesville. I had written it there, too. Thinking about what was really important to me got a little easier when I could do a sort of content analysis of my thoughts over the past 6 months. Amber is important to me. She is unlike any woman I have met before. Once I made that mental shift and I began prioritizing our relationship, everything else fell in to place. It didn't hurt that one of the first questions she asked after I proposed was "When are we moving to New York?"

Waiting is not a bad thing, after all. I don't think I would relive those months of having no idea what to do, but every thought leading in to this major move for us shimmers with the excitement of not doing it alone. My God gives me hope for the future, but my fiancee gives me joy in it.

So, what is important to you? Thank you for reading.

I don't want to leave

but I need to go.

Yesterday, I spent several sleepy hours in the early morning getting ready to lead worship at CCC. I've worked here for nearly three years, but each and every Sunday still feels different. Something about the air, its temperature and light, makes each one unique. It was a good day. I found myself able to rely on several talented and gracious people, which is always refreshing. As I stood on the platform during the service, just heading in to the final song, Carter leaned over and said, "Don't forget the extra verse." Of course I was going to forget it; it wasn't in my music because I hadn't gone back and made the change the night before. I didn't forget it, though, because he was looking out for me and for the group. This might seem like a trivial thing, but what Carter did represents something that has evolved over the course of my time at this church. I am surrounded by reliable, thoughtful people who care deeply about what we do together and even more deeply for each other and for me. When I started leading music in 2007, I was just coming off of a stint of worship leading at RUF at the University of Florida, so I still had lots of musician contacts in town, and they were all eager to play with me. When you have almost instant chemistry with people, there is no real motivation to pay close attention to details. If I made a mistake, we would just roll over it. As a result, our worship's quality did not improve at the rate that it could have (or should have.) While the church was getting stronger and bolder as a group of singers, I was stagnating. Not that I'm proud of it, but it's just the way it was. Now that most of those people are gone, ample rude awakenings and evidences of my abilities' limits have coerced me into a better attitude. Looking over years of growth, both for me and for the congregation at CCC, I see that God strengthens us through each other over time. If you have never experienced what it's like to be a part of a community that truly loves one another, then you need to be looking for one. That is where you are meant to be.

It is good to be deliberate, and for all of the Sunday mornings that have gone well as a result (and for those that have gone bad), I am more thankful for the relationships that it has helped me form with the people who surround me. I am thankful for each late night or early rehearsal, for Jen and Ed hosting a party for us and for Jen's art, for Rebecca's delicious muffins, for Carter's unflinching commitment and friendship, for Brittany's passion for worship, for Christian and Harmony's dedication to the success of our worship, for Sam's nasty djembe skills (are you sure you're not part African?), for Melissa's flexibility and patience with my ridiculous expectations, for Sarah and Rob's love and generosity. This list could really get a lot longer...

And for those who have moved on from Gainesville (Alan, Dan, Sarah, Pierre, Josh, Jason and many others). You are my link to the world outside of all this. When people ask me how I can leave CCC behind, especially at this time, I usually don't have a good answer. Quite honestly, it is really hard to pull away from a place that means so much to you. Still today, I don't quite know how to answer that question. I have a conviction that doesn't come with words - something more than emotion but often less than thoughts that I can articulate. What I find myself saying more times than anything else is this: I don't want to leave, but I need to go. This might sound trite, but it is the honest truth. My heart breaks at the thought of putting so much distance between myself and so many good things, but it jumps at the chance to see something amazing happen in New York. So, let those people who have already done what I am about to do be a sort of testimony for me, and let's talk more about this once I have moved up there. If any of you are reading, I would cherish your comments.

P.S. Next, some thoughts on how my fiancee Amber has changed everything.

My Story

I have had this blog for a while, although there's never been a period in time when I felt compelled to write (at least not anything people should be interested in reading). When I think of a blog, I imagine a few categories defined by the people writing them. The first and probably most prolific group fills its blog roll with topical commentary (politics, money, entertainment, etc). The second group is more introspective. They dig deep inside and share things with us that we would probably never know by talking to them, even if they were a close friend. Reading blogs like these can help me explain what is going on inside my own head, sort of like listening to a great song. The last group of bloggers interests me the most, and it is the one I am now interested in joining. This group draws on experience, whether past or ongoing, that is compelling enough to be written about and to be read. I have a story to tell, and it is for you:

For my friends and family; for anyone who has thought about packing up and moving to the city; for anyone with a great job who thinks it is crazy to give it up in this economy; for anyone who wonders what it is like to be engaged, or to be engaged long distance; for anyone interested in working in the music industry but you don't quite know how; for anyone who wonders (or remembers) what it's like to leave a place full of people you love; for those who don't believe God is real; for those who can't understand how faith can change a person.

Read my story as it unfolds and interact with it. Ask me questions; I want to share this with you. Now, I don't presume that my story is unique, and I won't promise that anything profound or deeply meaningful will come out of my words, but I will bring what I have to this blog and let you decide what to take from it.

Thank you for reading.