emotion

The time has finally come for a wave of emotions to envelope me, rendering me useless in public at its onset but more satisfied in its wake.

Reality: I am moving to New York City. After so much talking, I am finally taking the final step. But the last one is the biggest, and it honestly feels like dropping off of the edge of one world in to another. If only I can find a way to hold on to the things I can't bear the thought of losing - the friendships and memories. I'm a pretty crummy friend. In previous experience, I have let distance dictate the success of relationships - whether it is with family across the country or with friends who have dispersed as life calls them elsewhere. With every moment that I make a decision in hope based on our plans for the future, a strange feeling of loss comes over me - like a ghost of a regret not yet felt (and hopefully never known.) This continuum, where the health of relationships is related inversely to the distance between myself and those I care about, is really nothing new. It is supposed to be easier to keep in touch with people these days, but I have seen little evidence of it actually working. Failbook isn't capable anymore, but Twitter shows promise. Maybe in 2010...

This is an emotional process, and as good as I think I am at hiding it, my composure recoils pretty quickly these days. I suppose the best thing to do from now on is to live in each moment to the best of my ability. Absurdly enough, I think it has taken me this long to realize what I should have been doing all along.