I don't want to leave

but I need to go.

Yesterday, I spent several sleepy hours in the early morning getting ready to lead worship at CCC. I've worked here for nearly three years, but each and every Sunday still feels different. Something about the air, its temperature and light, makes each one unique. It was a good day. I found myself able to rely on several talented and gracious people, which is always refreshing. As I stood on the platform during the service, just heading in to the final song, Carter leaned over and said, "Don't forget the extra verse." Of course I was going to forget it; it wasn't in my music because I hadn't gone back and made the change the night before. I didn't forget it, though, because he was looking out for me and for the group. This might seem like a trivial thing, but what Carter did represents something that has evolved over the course of my time at this church. I am surrounded by reliable, thoughtful people who care deeply about what we do together and even more deeply for each other and for me. When I started leading music in 2007, I was just coming off of a stint of worship leading at RUF at the University of Florida, so I still had lots of musician contacts in town, and they were all eager to play with me. When you have almost instant chemistry with people, there is no real motivation to pay close attention to details. If I made a mistake, we would just roll over it. As a result, our worship's quality did not improve at the rate that it could have (or should have.) While the church was getting stronger and bolder as a group of singers, I was stagnating. Not that I'm proud of it, but it's just the way it was. Now that most of those people are gone, ample rude awakenings and evidences of my abilities' limits have coerced me into a better attitude. Looking over years of growth, both for me and for the congregation at CCC, I see that God strengthens us through each other over time. If you have never experienced what it's like to be a part of a community that truly loves one another, then you need to be looking for one. That is where you are meant to be.

It is good to be deliberate, and for all of the Sunday mornings that have gone well as a result (and for those that have gone bad), I am more thankful for the relationships that it has helped me form with the people who surround me. I am thankful for each late night or early rehearsal, for Jen and Ed hosting a party for us and for Jen's art, for Rebecca's delicious muffins, for Carter's unflinching commitment and friendship, for Brittany's passion for worship, for Christian and Harmony's dedication to the success of our worship, for Sam's nasty djembe skills (are you sure you're not part African?), for Melissa's flexibility and patience with my ridiculous expectations, for Sarah and Rob's love and generosity. This list could really get a lot longer...

And for those who have moved on from Gainesville (Alan, Dan, Sarah, Pierre, Josh, Jason and many others). You are my link to the world outside of all this. When people ask me how I can leave CCC behind, especially at this time, I usually don't have a good answer. Quite honestly, it is really hard to pull away from a place that means so much to you. Still today, I don't quite know how to answer that question. I have a conviction that doesn't come with words - something more than emotion but often less than thoughts that I can articulate. What I find myself saying more times than anything else is this: I don't want to leave, but I need to go. This might sound trite, but it is the honest truth. My heart breaks at the thought of putting so much distance between myself and so many good things, but it jumps at the chance to see something amazing happen in New York. So, let those people who have already done what I am about to do be a sort of testimony for me, and let's talk more about this once I have moved up there. If any of you are reading, I would cherish your comments.

P.S. Next, some thoughts on how my fiancee Amber has changed everything.